I know that you, dear reader, face a problem. You're a concerned voter, there's a lot going on out there on the political landscape that you want to understand, and you've searched far and wide in vain for a source of detailed political commentary provided by someone with little or no apparent qualification for providing it. Well, look no further, I am ready to step in and fill that gaping analytical hole.
My thoughts on the first half of the Republican field:
Mayor Rudy Giuliani:
Pluses: He should get credit for managing New York City through a terrible crisis. And, NYC was definitely better off after him in many ways than it was before him. And at least he's not a total wacko on social issues.
Minuses: First, Mayor Giuliani has a strong streak of dictatorial megalomania running through him. Now, if you're going to be mayor of NYC, that's almost a requirement, otherwise this city will just run over you like that poor Chinese dude in Tiananmen Square. Fine. But I don't think dictatorial megalomania is such a good personality attribute for the Presidency.
Second, he was the first to throw out "socialized medicine" as a blanket term for all Democratic proposals in the debate on health care last night. No other industrialized country gets less for or spends more on health care than we do. So a great big New York fuck you, Mayor Giuliani, for having nothing better to add to the debate than scaremongering and flaccid appeals to "markets", as if that by itself means anything.
Finally, I lost all respect for him as a politician at the 2004 Republican National convention. I was in a cab going to a student's house, and we were listening to him give an opening speech. In it, he was talking about -you guessed it- 9/11, and he described arriving at ground zero and standing next to the city fire chief as the towers were burning. He described seeing the bodies begin to fall from the tower, as people chose to jump to their deaths rather than be burned alive. He then said, "And I turned to [whatever the fire chief's name was] and said, 'Thank God George W. Bush is our president!'"
Huh?
You mean to tell me, that as your citizens are plunging to their deaths and the city is burning down around you, THAT'S what you had to say? From this, there are only 2 realistic possible conclusions I can draw:
1) Mayor Giuliani is a moron, since there were about 10 trillion things more useful he could have been saying at that point to his fire chief, or
2) Mayor Giuliani is a political whore.
I have made up my mind on that one, and watching last night's debate didn't change my mind: Mayor Giuliani is a smart streetwalker, and not a dumb straight-talker.
Senator Fred Thompson:
Pluses: Hmm. He's tall. Familiar, from watching marathons of Law & Order on the Jetblue flight back and forth between San Jose and NYC.
Minuses: He sure is a dour fellow. And he does much better with short dialogue (a la L & O) than he does trying to explain in detail his policies or beliefs about anything. Apparently some of his people have tried to argue that he'd be great at the actual job of being president, but just hates the political campaigning, and finds that tiresome.
Huh?
With all due respect to the rest of the world, at this point in history the American presidency is the most important job in history, and yes, Senator Thompson, you're going to have to campaign for it. What you need to do, in the words of my cousin Anne, is pull up your big-girl panties and shut the fuck up about what a pain it is to campaign. Do you have any idea how painful it is watching any of you guys do it? What we need is a Commander-in-Chief, not a Complainer-in-Chief.
Congressman Ron Paul:
Huh?
Pluses: He's never trying to bullshit you. He's sincere- he really believes everything he says.
Minuses: He's sincere- he really believes everything he says.
In watching the debate last night with Laszlo and GA, we agreed that listening to Senator Paul talk is like panning for gold: there are little golden nuggets of some truly important ideas in there, but it's almost impossible to filter them out of the mighty flowing river of kookiness that they're buried in.
Also, his posture when he sits is just like Mr. Burns.
I'll do Senator McCain, Governor Romney, and Governor Huckabee tomorrow.
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