A Modest Proposal, Part 2: The Backstory (continued)

The end of Part 1 saw me flying back home to NYC on 8/27/06, wondering if in fact I had just met the girl I would marry, and also wondering if she in any way remotely felt anything like what I did.

My first thought upon landing was: "How long do I wait before I call her?" Waiting too long would convey a lack of serious interest, and I didn't want that. Calling too soon would convey desperation/lameness/crazy-stalker-guy, and I didn't want that either. After much rumination, I settled on 2 days as the right balance.

So, on Tuesday evening I called Jill. I had no idea if we would have anything to talk about, and I was nervous as heck, but it felt immediately comfortable talking to her, and we had a nice, somewhat lengthy conversation. She mentioned that she was applying for a job in Mayor Bloomberg's office, and that as a result she would probably be heading up to NYC in the near future for interviews.

That first conversation led to a couple more phone conversations over the next couple weeks, until finally Jill had a date she was going to be in the city for interviews. We agreed to meet for lunch on the Upper East Side, and agreed that we would meet at my apartment (which was right across the street from my office).

We met at my apartment because I wanted to start us off with a nice view of the city; I was lucky enough to have scored a penthouse 1 BR that had a balcony with a view of the Chrysler building. It also had that rarest of rarities in a NYC apartment: it was the size of a normal one-bedroom apartment, like you might find in any average American city. In NYC, that made it enormous.

So we met at my apartment building and took in the view, and then I took us to a French bistro near Central Park, where we had a delicious lunch. From there, we went for a walk around the reservoir in Central Park. It was a beautiful day, and I was struck again by how comfortable and easy it was to be with Jill. I had worried that it feel a little awkward or forced, getting together for the first time a few weeks after the wedding, but in fact it felt completely natural.

So, when we made it to the West side of the park, it was time for her (and me) to go, so I hailed a cab for her, and away she went. As for me, I was already 15 minutes late to my next student (Alix), but I knew she'd forgive me if I told her the reason, since she knew how much I'd been looking forward to this date.

Apparently the interview had gone well for Jill, because just a couple of phone conversations later, she told me she'd be up in NYC interviewing again, on a Friday morning, and this time was planning to make a weekend out of it, so did I want to get together? Naturally, I did.

I planned to take Jill to Asia de Cuba (highly recommended) for dinner, and then walk a couple of blocks to the Library Bar, which is a fun rooftop bar with a view of, wait for it... the NY Public Library. It's an intimate place, and we had just had our summer holiday party at work there, so I knew the place well.

When that Friday arrived, I told my last student of the evening, Jordan, a senior at a high school in northern NJ, that we would be having a truncated lesson this time, and that I would make up the time when we met next week..

Me: "Okay dude, at precisely 715pm, even if I'm in the middle of a sentence, I am out that door right there, 'k? Because I've got to get down to Plaza Flowers and get some flowers to take with me for when I show up at Jill's hotel."

Jordan: "Hahaha... you're going to bring her flowers? Is that how old people like you date?"

(pause)

Me: "Okay, Mr. Casanova, why don't you give me some dating advice. Who's your Primary Love Interest right now?"

Jordan: "Oh, she's this girl who works in the music store in the mall by my house. OMG, she is so hot."

Me: "Okay, so have you asked her out yet?"

Jordan: "Well, uh, no... not exactly."

Me: "So then what's your strategy for asking her out, Mr. Big Talker?"

Jordan: "Well... last time I was there I bought piano music."

Me: "You bought piano music."

Jordan: "Yes."

Me: "Wait.. do you *play* the piano?"

Jordan (shifts uncomfortably in his seat): "Uh, well, ... no."

Me: "Niiiiiiiiiiice. So what is this hot girl's name?"

Jordan: "Uh, I don't know."

Me: "What do you mean, you don't know? You bought the piano music from her and didn't ask her name?"

Jordan: "Well, that's the thing. I walked up to her counter to talk to her, and... and... then I panicked. I couldn't think of anything to say. But she was standing in front of a shelf full of piano music, so... I bought some. Actually, I bought a bunch of it."

Me: "Exactly how much piano music did you buy?"

Jordan: "I don't know... maybe $50 worth."

Me: "You bought FIFTY DOLLARS worth of piano music???"

Jordan (sinking slowly into his seat): "Yes." [in a tiny voice] "Three times."

Me: "You did that THREE TIMES??"

Jordan: "WELL NOT IN THE *SAME* *DAY*!!"

Me: "OH... OH... well, that's MUCH less pathetic then. So, to recap where we are, I'm going to take my old-man self and my old-man flowers down to the hotel room of the hot girl *I'm* interested in, whose name I know, and then I'm going to take her out for a nice dinner and drinks, and then at the end of the evening I'm going to ask her out again, while meanwhile you are going to be spending $50 a week buying music for an instrument you don't even play, until the day finally comes when your nutsack descends enough to ask the girl you're buying the music from what her name is. Is that where we are?"

Jordan: "Uh.."

Me: "Okay, you do NOT get to criticize my dating strategy ever again. Are we clear?"

Jordan (tiny voice): "Yes."

Me: "Awesome."

So, as promised, I bolted the room at precisely 715pm, with Jordan wishing me luck, and I headed down to Plaza Flowers to pick up a very small bouquet to take to Jill. I gave her the flowers when I arrived (Jill: "Wow, you brought me *flowers*?" Me: "I know it's how old people date, but there's a story here..."), and then we headed to dinner.

Dinner at Asia de Cuba was amazing. We had the strongest (and most expensive) mojitos ever while we waited for our table, and then we had a huge dinner that couldn't be beat, while putting away an entire bottle of really nice wine. Thus, by the time we left, we were roaring drunk, and getting up the Library Bar for more drinks was clearly not happening. Instead, I walked Jill back to her hotel.

At this point, I will gracefully fast-forward to the next day, riding in a cab downtown to teach my pro bono SAT class, when I thought back on the evening, and how amazing it had been. Not that any one thing in particular had been amazing, but as always, spending time with Jill just seemed... right... somehow. It was tremendously exciting, and I thought that there was really just one more thing I wanted to know before attempting to get really serious about this, which was: how would Jill mesh with my friends? The answer to that: throw a dinner party and see.

Jill and I had talked about cooking, and I had mentioned liking to throw dinner parties, but I think she thought I exaggerated the size/scope of them. Unfortunately, it was going to be nearly a month until she could make it up to the city, but I took that in stride and set the date she chose, which was in mid October.

When the day of the dinner party arrived, Jill texted me to say she was willing to come early to help. I had learned from throwing these types of parties that it's best to have a sous chef, and Ed was my sous chef of the day. But I told her if she wanted to help, Ed would probably need all the help he could get chopping vegetables.

When Jill arrived, she set her stuff down and we chatted for a few minutes. As she walked by my bookshelf, she noticed some of my science fiction books, and said "Oh, you like science fiction? I should borrow some of your books."

I was stunned.

I mean, I love science fiction, unabashedly so. But, I had never met a *woman* who liked science fiction. I mean, not one I was actually attracted to. I had actually, right up until that moment, never even considered the possibility of dating someone who shared that particular interest. I was barely able to stop myself from making the joke: "You like science fiction?? OMG, will you marry me right now?"

But, I didn't make that joke. At 18, that's a kinda funny joke. At 36, making that joke to a 35 year old woman, that joke has a much higher probability of going horribly awry.

Anyway, Ed arrived soon afterward, and I put them to work chopping vegetables. They seemed to get along just fine, which I was glad to see, but I was mostly busy in the kitchen.

At one point, I was working on the dessert, and was separating eggs, when Jill came into the kitchen to see how I was doing. At that point, I was separating eggs the old-fashioned way, going back and forth between egg shells. Jill seemed fascinated by it...

Jill: "You know they have a tool for that, right?"

Me: "There's a tool for *separating eggs*?"

Jill: "Yeah. It's called an egg separator. You just pour the egg into it, and the whites slip out the bottom and leave the yolk behind. You should get one."

Me: "Wow. That could be... totally life changing."

Jill: "Smartass."

I'd invited a bunch of my NYC friends, and we had a very grand dinner indeed. Naturally, I started late, probably around 9pm, and consequently we went until around 230 in the morning, at which point everyone was stuffed and wasted. I remember most of the guests were getting ready to go, while meanwhile Socci was camping out on the sofa looking like he was going to settle in and keep drinking wine. Jill was in the bathroom, and I remember pulling Ed aside:

Me: "Uh, dude, what I need you to do right now is get Socci the hell out of here. You know what I'm saying?"

Ed: "Right... got it. I'm on it."

With that, Ed half cajoled, half dragged Socci out, while also shooing everyone else out, so that Jill and I could get some alone time.

Gracefully fast-forwarding us to the next day, I noticed that Jill had a certain... distance to her. Intermittently. In some moments it seemed like she wanted to get close, and in other moments it seemed like she wanted to pull away. It was hard to read, especially given that we were clearly both recovering from the effects of the night before. And anyway, all I could really think about was that we'd had 3 really great dates, and it was time to think about what the next step should be.

In time, Jill had to leave to catch her train back to DC, and after she was gone, I began to plot the next step. Which I'll tell you about, in Part 3: The Dark Ages.