A Modest Proposal, Part 1: The Backstory

I got engaged last Thursday, 8/26/10. There's a story there, but before I can tell it, you need certain background details. Important details that you might wish to hang onto for later will be bracketed as such: [important detail]

The story begins, really begins, at a wedding.

On August 26th, 2006, I flew from NYC to LA, for JOC's wedding. I was a groomsman, and I was looking forward to seeing him. I was pleased that he had finally found a nice, sane girl to marry, and so I was excited about being there to show my support.

I was also kind of excited because this was the first wedding I was attending as a single guy since a wedding my parents made me attend in India when I was 7. Still, JOC warned me on the phone early that week that the population of single women attending the event would probably be fairly small, and to manage my expectations accordingly. Which, I assured him, was totally fine- after all, the point of being there was to show my support for his marriage to V.

So, I arrived in LA not expecting to meet anyone. After checking in to my hotel [The Sportsmen's Lodge] and running errands that morning/early afternoon with JOC, I decided to head down to [the pool] around 2pm and go for a swim.

Not expecting that I would be meeting anyone, I made no effort to, you know, pretty myself up in any way, after a cross-country flight + running errands in the heat. When I got to the pool, I discovered that Grossman's fiancee Chris (note: Grossman was JOC's best friend from HS and was another groomsman) had gone to the airport to pick up her best friend, and the two of them were now laying out at the pool, surrounded by a swarm of admiring men.

That best friend was Jill.

I remember the instant I saw her. I remember thinking "Wait- who is THAT? JOC said there were not likely to be many single women, let alone any HOT single women." (not that I actually knew she was single at that point- I'm just relating the thoughts that went through my head). So I made a point of briefly introducing myself, and then coolly going for the pool. I say "coolly" because, as I noted before, there were already several admiring guys trying to make small talk, and I didn't want to seem too eager to join them.

After swimming some laps, in as coolly detached a manner as possible, I finally got out of the pool and joined the throng of admirers. Over the next hour or so I joined in the small talk as best I could, but then it was time for all of us to go get ready, so that we could do a rehearsal and help set up.

Thus, around 5pm, I found myself at The Bistro Garden, a few blocks down the street from the Lodge, and while we were waiting for everyone to get ready to do the rehearsal, I saw Jill sitting by herself on a chair at the edge of what would eventually be the dance floor. Having watched enough nature documentaries to know that your odds are better if you can separate the prey from the herd, I decided to take advantage of the opportunity and go over to talk to her.

As I said hello, I remember that Jill tilted her head and looked up at me, and this was the moment that I first looked into her eyes (she had been wearing sunglasses at the pool). I am a firm believer that you can tell a lot about a person by what you see when you look in their eyes, and what you see when you watch them move. It's easy to hide the truth with words, but it's hard to hide with your eyes, or with your body. What I saw when I looked into Jill's eyes were tenderness, intelligence, complexity, and... something else I can't exactly put a name to but which I was deeply attracted to.

I don't remember anymore exactly what it was we discussed then, but I think it had to do with traveling, which it turned out we both loved to do, and then it was time for me to go rehearse. From that point on, I didn't get much of a chance to talk to Jill; I was a groomsman, so I was busy all the way until we sat for dinner, and Jill was at the next table. From time to time I tried to surreptitiously glance over at her, and several times when I did, I saw she was looking at me. Now, I'm not real good at this kind of thing, so I was left to wonder if this was a sign that she was at all interested, or if she was just amusing herself and passing the time by watching to see how long I would go before the next time I would crack and have to look her way. She was very attractive, and carried herself with a kind of brash confidence, so I was definitely unsure which of the two options it was.

Finally, dinner ended and the dancing started. Given all my experience with dancing, I've always viewed the dance floor as home court advantage for me. So, I hatched the following plan: I was seated at a table that did have a couple other single friends of JOC's, so I first made a move to dance once with each of them, thereby establishing myself as skilled on the dance floor. By the time I had done that, I noticed that Jill was standing on the edge of the dance floor watching, so when I walked the last person back to the table, I went up to Jill and asked her to dance. Fortunately, she said yes.

From that point on, I didn't dance with anyone else the rest of the evening. It was a great wedding, and we danced for hours. After a while, I did have to give Jill a break, and we got drinks and went outside for fresh air. Outside, for no reason I can remember, we ended up talking about art. Jill was telling me about impressionist painting techniques, and although I had absolutely nothing useful to add (indeed, that one conversation probably doubled my total knowledge base about painting), I enjoyed learning from her. I was totally hooked.

After quite a bit more dancing, we headed back to the Lodge for the after party. I remember as we were crossing Coldwater Canyon road, Jill reached out for my hand. It was like being 12 again, when Linda Burrow held my hand on the bus one day and I couldn't think about anything else for like a week.

The after party was nice, and now, this being a public blog, I will simply gracefully fast forward us to The Next Morning.

The next morning, I saw Jill at brunch. I was a little nervous; had last night been as significant for Jill as it had been for me? I had no idea. She looked fantastic, and we sat next to each other at brunch and again started talking. She had to leave to go to a baby shower, but before she left, she gave me her number and said, "I hope I'll hear from you."

Later that afternoon, I had to get on a plane and head back to NYC. JOC and Grossman were, of course, giddy for details, none of which I was willing to supply. But I knew something had happened that changed everything, and as the plane was taking off that afternoon, I remember quite clearly thinking: "Is it possible I have just met the woman I will one day marry?"

That was a deeply terrifying thought, for a number of reasons. First, I had never had that thought that clearly before. Second, I had no idea if Jill felt anything remotely like that. And third, I didn't know Jill at all, really. It was a weird mixture of exciting and terrifying to think about that, which is what I did for the entire 6 hour flight back to NYC.

And so ended phase 1 of Gus and Jill 1.0. Stay tuned for the story of phase 2...