You know you're retarded when...

...you cut your nose shaving. Your nose.

At this point in my life, the entire surface area of my body divides into:

1) Places that should have hair, but don't,
2) Places that shouldn't have hair, but do, and
3) my nose

But I was in a hurry, and downstroked and nicked the side of my nose, right on the cartilage, which means it bled slowly and forever. I mean, _forever_. Half an hour later, it showed no signs of stopping, and I was beginning to wonder if I'd become a hemophiliac. I drove all the way to work pressing a wet rag to the side of my nose. Fortunately, it did manage to stop bleeding before I died of exsanguination.

Dammit.